It’s Christmas time again, the time when a young woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of finding the most hideous sweater ever knitted. My work Christmas party this year has adopted this popularly festive theme, so I am prepared to dress accordingly.
Ideally, you have an eccentric great-aunt with an attic full of novelty holiday wear available to anyone brave enough to climb the rickety ladder and battle through years of accumulated dust and cobwebs, but that’s generally not the case.
There are plenty of online options, people hoping to make big bucks off of those of us who have waited until the last minute and are torn between ordering something on Ebay to be overnight shipped into our waiting arms, or actually teaching ourselves to knit via YouTube video and whipping up what will surely be the ugliest sweater at the party, and not in a good way.
Buying an ugly sweater online, while certainly convenient, feels inauthentic to me somehow. Sure you are at the party, maybe your sweater is uglier than anyone else’s, but that’s why you bought it.
It’s not really fair to compare those sweaters with the ones that were actually received as gifts from a well meaning grandmother who honestly thought it was cute, and thusly, must be dug out and worn to every applicable family function between Halloween and President’s Day, so as not to cause offense. Those are the people who really earned the title of Ugliest Christmas Sweater. Respect.
As for me, I am hoping to land somewhere in the middle, by looking at the thrift store and Goodwill. Sure, I will have purchased my sweater, but I think the hours spent sorting through the piles of denim overalls and “Grandchildren tug at my heart strings” t-shirts has to count for something.
This is my sweater from a few years ago. No, it is not the ugliest, or most festive of sweaters, but if you had seen the trail of gold glitter this thing left behind, you would probably vote for me. Sadly, I no longer own it, as it was refused entry into our apartment and unceremoniously tossed from the balcony by this one guy I know.
If you truly must buy your sweater online, please make it this one.