While we were in Oregon, and the boys were off doing bachelor things, we decided to embrace our inner adventurers, so a group of us girls set off to check out the lava caves near Bend. We obviously neglected to do any research beforehand, so we arrived to discover that shorts, tank tops and flip flops are not generally the clothing choices of spelunkers the world over, especially as it was below freezing inside the caves.
We also failed to spend the $5.00 necessary to rent a lantern, deciding as a group that the lights from all 4 of our cell phones would more than compensate for the complete lack of light sources inside the caves.
We set out merrily enough, dodging a hive of angry wasps and avoiding the judging looks of the other hikers in their closed toed shoes and winter jackets, with their lanterns shining smugly as they shuffled by.
The first 100 feet went swimmingly, there were plenty of interesting rock formations that could just be made out by the light of my “World’s Brightest Flashlight App”, but things quickly went south. I felt a drop of liquid fall onto my head from the stalactites above that was almost certainly monster saliva (at your own peril will you suggest that it may have been only water).
A few more feet inside, all hell broke loose. The leader of our little band of misfits also got monster slobber dripped on her, and as she turned her arm to wipe it away, something (likely the beady, red eyes of the creature) reflected in the cover of her cell phone case, and she screamed.
That was all it took. The rest of us broke rank and sprinted for the mouth of the cave, every man for himself, as we stumbled blindly in the darkness, all of us hoping we wouldn’t be the one eaten first.
We eventually all emerged from the darkness, bruised, embarrassed and with a stubbed toe or two in the group, but no worse for the wear for the most part. And that’s the story of the time I was nearly eaten by a monster in a cave, for real.
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| Don’t let the camera flash fool you, it was absolutely pitch black inside this cave |
loveliness. 